low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
