i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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