think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
