I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
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Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
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I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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