Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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