They should really pass out barf bags in church
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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