I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
