I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
