Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
