This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
