I'm really into asian looking animals
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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