Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
It's blow job season.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
