You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
