Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
