He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
