better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
