forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
