True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
