just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
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I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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