Define "chronic" masturbator.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
