my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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