He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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