Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Randomize
