he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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