So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
