I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
