It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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