sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
