I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
