I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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