Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(434): View more from Virginia

Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.

(951): View more from California

sound pretty economical

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(415): View more from California

Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.

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(864): View more from South Carolina

A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!

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(734): View more from Michigan

Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(337): View more from Louisiana

There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card

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(615): View more from Tennessee

Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.

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(937): View more from Ohio

Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour

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(802): View more from Vermont

Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover

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