It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs