The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.