Where are you?
In a non slutty way
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm too high and old for this...
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked