ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
