Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
