so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
