I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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