piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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