Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize