Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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