yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
