That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
