We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
