It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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