I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Randomize
