Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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