Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
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Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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