I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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