Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
