Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize