I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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