none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
you didnt know i had herpes?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize