You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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