If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Is it because I queefed?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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