6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
