That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
