You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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