I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
