Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
