I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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