she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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