VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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