It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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