the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
