On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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