Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
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He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
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She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
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It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that