Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore