Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
33 Sex Crazed People That Are Going Balls Deep
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
21 Family Members Confess The Creepiest Things They Know About a Relative
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."