just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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