tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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