I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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