So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
