I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
