I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
