im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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